it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
