you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
