She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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