I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
