Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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