The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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