stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
