Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
honey bunches of taint.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
