You really coming over, don't trick.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
