I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
