Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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