I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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