the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
