It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
