Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
No subtext here. People are naked.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
