Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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