it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
