My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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