I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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