no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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