dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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