I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
