I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
