So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
