onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
