you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
