This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
