I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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