a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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