what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
