They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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