My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
