I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize