i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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