If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
