So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
