Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
