omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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