take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When did angry sex become our thing?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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