she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
