she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
