i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
