i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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