what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
