Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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