He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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