you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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