Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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