apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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