the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
